


Letters to a dead man

by 221B_johnlock_st



Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, John is mad, Letter, Love Confessions, M/M, Post-Reichenbach, Sadish, Sherlock comes back
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-11
Updated: 2016-11-11
Packaged: 2018-08-30 07:33:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,904
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8524141
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/221B_johnlock_st/pseuds/221B_johnlock_st
Summary: A lot of people have done this but oh well. John writes letters to Sherlock after Reichenbach and when Sherlock comes back he has read them all.





	1. Chapter 1

28th of june

Dear Sherlock,

I honestly don’t know what Dr. Thompson has against me, or if she thinks writing it the only way to get emotions out, but here I am. What the hell am I even doing, I’m talking to a dead man. I’ve actually gone bloody bonkers haven’t I? Ella said that it would help me move on, that if I couldn’t tell her what I wanted to tell you I should write letters. I guess I do have some things to tell you. Things that I can't post on my blog.

 

I know you’re listen, whether you’re alive or not, i’d like to think you would be keeping tabs on me atleast. I just want answers. Why me out of all the people on this earth, why did you chose a lonely depressed soldier. Why did you bring me into your home when you could have had anyone. Not that I wasn’t happy to stay and not just because of the insanely reasonable priced flat,  but because after that first case I was hooked. I don’t think I ever could have left you after that. Still can't apparently. 

-John watson

 

29th of June.

Dear sherlock,

You’ll never guess what happened. There was a riot this morning. Right in front of the flat. You can imagine my surprise when I got woke up by a gaggle of people yelling ‘I believe him’. They seemed to grow a bit weary as I looked out the window and they saw me, but I shot them a smile and they chanted louder than ever, There are people here that still believe you and i'm one of them. I’ve said it once and i'll say it again, no one will ever convince me that you lied to me, because I honestly think that no one would fake being that being of an ass hole. I miss you

-John Watson

 

6th of July

Dear Sherlock, 

the last week has been rough. I had to leave the flat for a while. I stayed on Gregs couch and watched bad crime dramas. I don’t know what came over me. I forgot to write you on the 30th because I started at the clinic again after using up all my vacation days and then some. When July first came around something just came over me. It was like it was the first week all over again. I could barely will myself out of bed. I came into the clinic 10 minutes late and took my first patient of the day. Then they started to talk about you, how it was a shame that the world had lost someone as handsome as you. By the time they were done with what they thought was small talk I was nearly in tears. That’s when they realized who I was, they couldn’t stop apologizing, and I lost it. It was the first time I had actually cried for you.  I did the first thing I could think of, I ran. I didn’t stop until I made it to lestrade's office, and I cried, and I waited for him to get out of his meeting. When he did he took me to his house a made up his couch, and I haven't moved since.

-John watson 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this is the end. it sort of talks about self starvation and depression so yeah

7th of July

Dear Sherlock, 

Sometimes I hate myself, sometimes I look in the mirror and want to break it.  I can't help but replay our last conversation, not the one on the phone. The last face to face conversation we had. Do you remember what I said, I called you a machine. I’m  sorry Sherlock, you’re so much more than that, so much more complicated than what meets the eye and I wish I had told you that I didn’t mean it. I was mad, frustrated. I don't think you know how much I wish to take back  those words. I’m so sorry Sherlock. 

 

8th of July

Dear Sherlock,

Ella said I fell into my bout of depression last week because I didn’t write to you. She said it was my way of punishing myself for forgetting about you. I told her that she was insane. I told her that she needed to go back to psychology school, but she was right. I’m scared of forgetting about you, I’m scared of losing all that we had. I’m scared of saying your name, or speaking about you at all because the word was doesn't feel right when i'm talking about you. You are and will always be apart of my life, and I will never forget about you Sherlock.

 

9th of July

Dear Sherlock.

Greg is threatening to tell your brother on me, says I don’t eat enough. I eat more than you ever did so I’m not sure what the fuss is. I’ve moved in completely with Greg now. I still have the flat, Mycroft took over the payments, said it was in your will. You apparently left everything to me with strict instructions stating Mycroft make sure I never have to worry about money again. I’ll have you know that I’m doing perfectly fine. I don’t need your brother looking after me.  I would much rather have you doing that.

 

10th of July

Dear Sherlock,

Your bloody brother has put me in an institution. He’s lucky I don’t rip his throat out. I have to stay here for a week with supervised meals because according to your brother I’m starving myself. At first they wouldn't give me a computer or any paper or a pencil, because I could use it to inflict bodily harm to myself or others. When I walked out of my room with my bed sheet tied as a noose around my neck they complied as long as I was supervised. It’s funny, these people think they're so clever, think they can read me like a book. The only person that could ever do that was you. No matter how much everyone worries I would never kill myself, not after everything I went through.

 

11th of July

Dear Sherlock

I wish you were here, I wish I could hold you. I wish I could touch you. Hug you, kiss you. I wish that I wasn’t a stuck up prick before you left. You were so much better then my, you know that right. You were never afraid of being yourself even if people hated you for it. I wish I could be like you in that way, but it was always easier to deny everything. It’s not I had to worry about someone else whisking you away, no because you did it yourself. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to get over you, I hope I’ll never get over you.

 

12th of July

Dear Sherlock,

I have to stay another week here. I really wouldn’t like to discuss the reasons. I can't go anywhere without a nurse with me. I feel bad for the guy, I kind of slapped him yesterday because he tried to take your letters. It wasn’t really a slap, more of a push really and I apologized and asked him to leave them alone to which he complied. When they said he had to follow me everywhere, they mean everywhere. The loo and everything. I don’t have a moment to myself. I’m trying to stay strong for you but it’s hard.

 

13th of July

Dear Sherlock,

Your brother came by yesterday, we didn’t talk much. I gave him your letters and told him to give them to you, I hope he understood what I meant, he looked a little confused, but I think he’ll understand. I also threaten to personally shoot him in the head if he so much as peeked inside. I gave him the key to the lock box I keep them in although I know he wouldn’t have needed one. You wouldn’t have needed a key.

 

14th of July

Dear Sherlock,

Mathew asked who I was writing to, he’s my day watcher. I told him it was an old friend. He didn’t believe me. When he asked me more I promptly told him to shut up. The look on his face was similar to the one on the people you deduced. He’s trying to look over my shoulder, I want to stab him with the pencil but I fear they will take away my writing privileges. I couldn’t do that stop writing to you I miss you too much to cut all ties.

 

17th of July

Dear Sherlock,

They said that the writing needed to stop said I needed to get over you. They said it was time to move on. I feel so bad for Matthew, I remember when I was interning at a loony bin and it was always the worst to get stuck with one of the insane ones. On the 15th I refused to eat any of my meals after they told me I wouldn’t be getting my writing time for the day and the 16th they thought it would be a good idea to strap my hands to a chair and force feed me, lets just say the little they did get into my mouth ended up in Matthew's face. I’ll never give up on you Sherlock even if they don't understand. I love you.

 

-One year later-

 

June 28th

Dear Sherlock,

I’m sorry I didn’t write to you, I was put into the intensive care facility after the stunt I pulled with the food. I’m better now, at least that’s what everyone tells me. Ella said I should only write to you when something big happens something that I really need you to know and well. I’ve meet someone and we’re happy. I don’t know what to do though, she deserves so much better than someone who is caught up in their past. She should have someone who isn’t in love with someone else. It’s funny, because if the need to chose ever came up I would chose you. No questions no explanation needed. You’re better then any option the world could give me. So this is your last chance Sherlock, there’s no time better to come back then now if you’re still out there.

 

John put what was most likely the last letter he would ever write to Sherlock into the lock box that was sat next to his grave. He stood slowly and let out the breath he had been holding in for the last year. It was over he had his closure, he could finally move on.

 

John turned around and walked directly into someone, He was quick to apologize but when he saw the face that belonged to the body he had just run into the words got stuck on his tongue. John couldn’t help but laugh, he couldn’t believe that he had ever convinced himself that he would be able to forget about Sherlock without the man literally rising from the dead to stop him

 

“John I don’t really think this is a laughing matter.” and with that John stopped laughing slugged him right in the face. Sherlock feel to the ground with a look of shock.

 

“You bloody well deserved that after everything I’ve been through.” John help Sherlock up and in the process lets their lips connect in a slow and passionate kiss, John had never once cheated on anyone, but this was an exception. This was right.

 

The end.


End file.
